The P Blog

Happy New Year!

Pauline Wray — Mon, 5 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0500

It's hard to believe it's been another year already. 2008 passed quickly, and yet painfully slowly. I guess that's what expecting a child does to you. So, in the spirit of the New Year, a little riddle for all you readers out there: How you can you tell when a couple is ready for the New Year?

Answer: It's only the first weekend after New Year's and their Christmas decorations are already boxed up neatly and sititng in the basement, the Christmas tree is sitting at the curb ready to be picked up, and the house is spotless.

Yes, folks, we are quite anxious for 2009! Particularly for March when we get to meet our newest addition face to face (thougth we sometimes feel like we already know her and her antics!)

Happy New Year!

Rude (Yet Hilarious) Awakening, Puppy Style

Pauline Wray — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

This morning, while I was sleepily eating my bowl of cornflakes and bananas, my poor sweet puppy had what can only be termed as a rude (but completely hilarious to the humans in the room) awakening. He, as usual, was begging for my leftovers before I was even done eating. As I was sitting on the couch, he was gently (and very cutely) resting his head on my ever growing belly full of baby when “Thwack, Thwack, Thwack”-he gets not so subtly punched in the head from inside my belly.

Translation: “Hey doggie. I’m in here! Watch your freakin’ head! It’s crowding my space.”

My poor puppy didn’t even know what hit him. He looked up at me with a mixture of confusion, awe, and fear and promptly shoved his head between me and husband, essentially burying himself in the couch cushions for the remainder of my breakfast. And so begins the sibling rivalry. I think the poor pooch is finally realizing that his world is about to change. And, his puppy parents are laughing all the while.

And You Thought You Were Off the Hook

Pauline Wray — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

More polyps. Yes, that's right-Two more polyps found yesterday at a routine OB visit. What is to be done with them? That has yet to be determined. I will likely know more in early January at my next visit. I am hoping and praying (again) that they, too, will be benign. I can't seem to win with these things. I am so O-V-E-R this.

Is it March yet?

Why Not? It IS that time of year again

Pauline Wray — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

1. What did you do in 2008 that you've never done before?
Um, duh, gotten pregnant.

2.Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember what my resolutions were. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast a few hours ago (Thank you, pregnancy brain). Yes, probably, but the question is, will I remember them?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth.
Not yet, but stay tuned. I have four close friends that are pregnant, plus me.

4.Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. Very thankfully.

5. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

The birth of a wonderful, healthy baby

6. What countries did you visit?
I didn't go out of the country in '08.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched in your memory and why?

I can't pick one date. Too many milestones this year. Early July, when we found out we were pregnant. Then later, when we found out the baby looks healthy. Then still later, when we (hopefully) found the benign and harmless source of the bleeding.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I'm beginning to sound like a broken record-getting pregnant. But, if you know our history, you know this was huge!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Actually, for once, I don't see any big failures in the last year. But, I guess if I have to pick something, I will say I still worry too much.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Does puking my guts out for three straight months count? But, it's all for a good cause. :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
All things baby-There is so much hope and so many dreams wrapped up in that crib, those tiny clothes...

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My husband's. He is ever loyal, ever loving, and I will never be able to thank him enough.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled or depressed?
I have had some choice moments with various nurses at my OB's office.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Hospital/Doctor co-pays. Seriously.

15.What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being pregnant and hopefully having a healthy baby in 2009

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

"Arms Wide Open" Creed

17. Compared to this time last year are you:
happier or sadder: happier
thinner or fatter: hee hee...much fatter
richer or poorer: about the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Stopped to enjoy each step of the journey.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worried

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

At home with my Husband's family and all of our pets

21.There is no #21. I don't why there is no 21.

22.Did you fall in love in 2008?
All over again.

23. How many one-night stands?
Um, none!!!! I'm married people!!!!

24. What was your favorite t.v. program?
I have to say, I watched a lot of t.v. and none of it really stood out this year. Mostly, I was killing time while stuck on the couch with my feet up. But, I'm always a fan of the medical drama (House, Grey's etc).

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate at this time last year?
I don't make a habit of hating people. In other words, no.

26. What was the best book you read?
Books-ha. Do baby books or study guides for my clinical exam count?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Eh-Nothing much new.

28. What did you want a get?
To be pregnant

29. THere's no #29 either. Who knows why...

30. What was your favorite film this year?
Also, didn't watch much that I remember as remarkable (but then again, I really CAN"T remember what I saw either)

31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you (optional)?
29. Hung out with my husband at home, who made me dinner and frosted brownies.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A less complicated pregnancy, but I am still thankful to have even gotten this far.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2008?
Whatever fits and doesn't make me look like a bllimp

34. What kept you sane?
My husband, my pets, my friends, my family. But whether or not I am, at this point, sane, is questionable.

35.Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Obama

36.What political issue stirred you the most?
The Election

37. Whom did you miss?
My grandmother (well, I suppose technically step-grandmother, but I think of her as my grandmother). She should be here to see me set and reach my goals. But she is always here with me in spirit.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a lot of people in '08. A lot of patients that tugged at my heart strings.

39. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2008.
Some dreams really do come true, even if they are a little modified from their original versions
And, you have to have faith. It's the only thing that gets you through sometimes.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

And just for some added fun-Cortny, Paisana, and Al over at Blood-N-Thunder, I TAG YOU!!!

I already know too much about this, so Please, Please, do not Feel the Need to Expand my Education

Pauline Wray — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

It’s a strange phenomenon, the desire for individuals to share horror stories with people who are experiencing pregnancy. This has happened to me numerous times during my pregnancy. “Oh! You’re pregnant? Congratulations! I have a (cousin, sister, friend, neighbor) etc who lost her baby at (insert month, tragic story etc), but that probably won’t happen to you. Good luck” It is a strange phenomenon to say the least. Why, do you suppose, would I need to know this story? Why would I want to? I know people personally who lost their infants tragically. They are friends of mine. I am not going to share their stories here, but I am going to tell you internet, for the record, that I am VERY MUCH AWARE that tragedy could strike me at any time. In fact, I wake up every day and Thank God that I made it through another night still pregnant. Yes, I do indeed. Not a day goes by when I do not think about how lucky I am to have made it this far. I am very much aware that there is no “safe” zone in pregnancy. There is always a possibility, always a threat lurking. There is in fact no “safe” zone ever in life. You just have to enjoy each day and hope for the best. I do not need, or want any reminders or stories of this fact. This pregnancy has been difficult enough. I am worried enough that I will lose my baby girl. I do not need you telling me I SHOULD be. So, please, all you well meaning people (as I know that somehow, you are well meaning. Perhaps you think I will be better off if I am prepared for the worst? I don’t know), cease and desist. Happy, positive, thoughts only please. My daughter needs some good vibes coming her way.

The Eight Million Hour Commute

Pauline Wray — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Commute time from Work to home last night: 3 hours 45 minutes (a record)

Amount of snow on ground: Way more than the 4 inches the media CLAIMS we got

Number of times I had to stop to use the bathroom on the way home: 1 (also a record, considering I am almost seven months pregnant)

Level of annoyance with commute: High

Number of times I skidded while driving one mile per hour: At least half a dozen

Total number of snow plows I saw: 4

Level of Discomfort by the time I got home: Off the charts

What I did when I got home: Ate dinner, went to sleep, got up, went back to work

Level of readiness to have the rest of the week off: High

Readiness to move to Sunny Southern California and live in a shoe box: Extremly

Desire to drive into the city tonight for appointment: Low

Desire to go on Vacation to tropical Location: High

Enough Said.

Today, I celebrate, and thank you all for your support

Pauline Wray — Mon, 8 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

As I celebrate another year on this planet today, I am acutely aware of all the precious things in my life. My recent adventures have made me very much aware of just how easily your life can be turned upside down, and just how grateful I am for the fact that mine (Thank God) wasn’t this time around. Working as a social worker in the medical field, I am always keenly aware of how good I have it. But, my recent scare drove this point home even more. And so, in celebration of my recent clean bill of health (the final test also came back blissfully NORMAL as of this morning), 29 things I am thankful for, to celebrate my 29 years on this planet-some serious, some less so, but all precious to me in some form

My husband
The beautiful baby girl growing inside me
My good health
My warm house
Having enough food to eat
My pets
My friends, and especially all of the support they give me
My family, and especially all of the support they give me
My job (even when I loathe it on some days)
Having enough money to get necessities and them some
Obama’s victory
Peppermint Hot Chocolate
Sunshine
Flowers
Snow
That my grandmother agreed to have her life saving surgery
That my uncle is still with us despite his Cancer
Chocolate
Bad, sappy, sometimes hilarious but always ever so distracting T.V. shows
Wii
Cheese
Having a reliable car
Good books
Massages
That I get to feel my baby kicking each and every day
Our Christmas tree and decorations, which make me smile every night
Lazy days spent by the fire place with my husband
The fact that in this moment, I am not bleeding anymore
Food, all things food, as I am constantly hungry

The Best Early Birthday Present Ever

Pauline Wray — Fri, 5 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Biopsy results: Normal.

Thank you God. We will get more details and info on Wednesday, but it's not Cancer.

This is quite possibly the best Early Birthday Present I have ever received. Ever.

Now- I will celebrate and then sleep for a week to combat the sheer emotional exhaustion.

Too Happy for any more words right now.

Terror Reigns Supreme

Pauline Wray — Wed, 3 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Yes, dear internet, I have been absent from this blog for awhile. It’s been a rough ride lately and I have been debating whether or not to post about it here. But, seeing as how a whole two people read this blog, I thought, why not, maybe it’ll be therapeutic to put it on paper. So here goes…

1) I am currently awaiting the results of a cervical biopsy I had done on Monday. As most of you who actually read this blog know, I’ve been plagued by bouts of bleeding throughout my pregnancy. The source of the bleeding was finally found-a “weird looking” growth on the cervix that has now been removed. The

Good Dr.

seems to think its not likely Cancer, but the tests of which I speak will either confirm or deny that fact. Never have I been more terrified in my life. December 10^th is D day (aka biopsy results day). I continue to pray for a positive outcome, while shoring up for the worst, just in case.

2) Add to this the fact that my Uncle (who I wrote about before on this blog-For those just tuning in he has been battling lymphoma since February) found out that his lymphoma has spread to his stomach last week AND my paternal grandmother was diagnosed with Metastatic Colon Cancer (i.e. it started in her Colon but is now in her liver also).

Do you see why I am terrified internet? Cancer is all around me-and the outlook is not so great.

And so, I have spent the last few weeks (I found out about 3 weeks ago about the growth) contemplating my mortality, trying to make the most of the holidays, and alternating between sobbing my eyes out and trying to be stoic and optimistic-mostly the former to be quite honest. I never, in one hundred million years, thought I would be faced with something like this when I was 25 weeks pregnant with my first child. Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it’s the potential gravity of the situation, but some part of me feels like this cannot possibly be my life right now. Nevermind the physical aftermath of the biopsy itself. But, you have to take what life gives you, and in my case, hope that your number will not be up soon and that you’ll have many years on which to look back on these events and think about how you managed to get through it all.

Here’s to hoping for good news next Wednesday. I will post again. I hope, with good news.

R.I.P. Cell Phone-You Shall Be Missed

Pauline Wray — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

In a sheer fit of pregnancy wisdom (sense my sarcasm) I managed to give my husband’s cell phone and untimely, watery death yesterday afternoon. Yes, you read that right-I drowned my husband’s poor defenseless cell phone in the washing machine. Now, I feel triply guilty. 1) Because it was not MY cell phone I drowned (at least I wouldn’t have ruined anyone else’s day but my own. and 2) Because, I managed to actually drown it in the first place, and finally, the icing on the cake 3) Because my husband’s birthday is Wednesday. That’s right, “Happy Birthday, Sweetie-I drowned your brand new cell phone in the wash.” They don’t call it pregnancy brain for nothing. Say a little prayer for his not even two months old sodden cell phone that is now in its watery grave. And send my husband a little tea and sympathy if you know him personally. He could use it right about now.